"I'll never find that kind of love?"

 Can you guess what’s 4,000 weeks long? 

Truly, it is the average human lifespan.

So you are really going to tell me, I was born into this ginormous world, with a vast variety of places, people, animals, art… and I will not be able to experience even a fraction of it?

I know, let’s just say I was a difficult kid in this regard. I am 22 and I am still a difficult kid who talks to her mom at least once a week with a new idea or plan.

What else can I say? Life fascinates me. I cannot think of the last time I felt bored. In fact, I'm frequently the polar opposite of bored. I'm overstimulated by all the things I want to do at any one time, and I'm overwhelmed by the fact that I have to choose just one. I am simply just intrigued.

There is always something to do or to learn about. So many lives to live. I’m in constant awe of the fact that millions of years of evolution lead to me being here, at this very moment. The odds of that happening was basically zero, for all of us, yet, here we are. 80 years, or 4,000 weeks, is the average human lifespan, if you're lucky, which is “absurdly, terrifyingly, insultingly short”. As a result, finding a spouse ready to go through all of this with you has become one of the most idealistic missions.

But the question is, what kind of love are we looking for?

What is meant by 'love' varies depending on the context. Love may be interpreted simply as "I really like this object or activity." The inference is that I consider participating in a specific activity or being a certain type of person to be a part of my identity and hence what makes my life worthwhile; I might just as easily state that I cherish these. And love, in part, establishes our identity; it unintentionally develops patterns in our lives.

Why do we fall in love? As previously said, every theory of love must be able to address some such justificatory inquiry. Although the issue of love's justification is important in and of itself, it is also important for the implications it has for better understanding the precise object of love: how can we make sense of the intuitions that we love not only the individuals themselves rather than their properties, but also that my beloved is not fungible—that no one could simply take her place without loss? Different theories handle these concerns in different ways, but the subject of justification is fundamental, as will be shown later.

One approach to think about why we love is to examine what the value of love is: what do we get out of it? According to the philosopher Badhwar, one type of solution, which has its roots in Aristotle, is that having romantic connections enhances self-knowledge insofar as your lover functions as a kind of mirror, reflecting your character back to you. Of course, this argument assumes that we cannot truly know ourselves in other ways: that if we are left to our own devices, our perception of ourselves will be too faulty, too prejudiced, to help us develop and progress as people.

Therefore, loving yourself is a mirror of that other person's love and vice versa. Love comes from our own hearts; I did not pretend it will be fully "irrational," but I do know we will not have to "think" about whether or not we feel it. It's like a dream; you do not even know if you're dreaming or not until you wake up.

As a result, from a philosophical standpoint, love might be fairly easy at times. But, in a society where everyone's ego is expanding, we often consider "love" as something conditional, where these standards, societal ideals shape how we live, how we value ourselves and the people around us.

Articles with names like "A match forged in paradise" is common. It will create an image of a future in which individuals will establish acceptable criteria and circumstances for themselves to believe they are deserving of love. But, like an iceberg, you can't assume that love has to be just because you believe it should be. When attempting to understand the unconscious mind, it might be useful to compare the mind to an iceberg. Everything above the water represents the conscious mind, while everything below the water represents the unconscious mind. Consider how an iceberg might seem if you could view it from all sides. Only a little portion of the iceberg may be seen above the sea. What you can't see from the surface is the massive volume of ice that makes up the bulk of the iceberg, which is submerged deep beneath the surface of the ocean. Things that reflect our conscious consciousness are only the "tip of the iceberg." The rest of the information that is not conscious exists under the surface. While this knowledge may not be consciously accessible, it nonetheless has an impact on present behaviour. We frequently express subjective thoughts on things since that is how our minds work, seeking to rationalize things. Logic frequently takes precedence over emotional judgments, and impulsive actions frequently have repercussions rather than a comprehensive process of thinking, analyzing danger, or anticipating the future... Unexpected outcomes will continue to occur, but the magnitude will be lessened.

If you read my previous blog post, you are probably familiar with the Epistemology of David Hume, which is we normally assume that we must train our minds to be as rational as possible, devoted to facts and logical reasoning, and committed to keeping our emotions out of the way. But, as Hume pointed out, no matter what we strive for, reason is a slave of desire. We make decisions about who is commendable, what to do with our free time, what defines a good career, and who to love based on our feelings above all else. Reason can aid a little, but the key variables are entwined with our emotional lives, or "passions," as Hume refers to them. We decide if a concept is lovely or dangerous and call it true or incorrect only on that basis. Reason only enters the picture later to back up the initial attitude. Therefore, we can conclude that our decision of staying with one another comes straight from the heart, not the mind that decides.

I'll never find that kind of love? - To anyone feeling lonely

The path to locate a life mate is never simple; some individuals find them all the time, while others take a lifetime. Personally, I believe it is acceptable to not have found that "kind of love" yet. So I think that if you don't explore more of who you are you'll just kind of get dragged along in life and you will end up in places that you don't want to be with people whose company you don't really enjoy which will then lead you to feel like you don't belong which might end up with you feeling lonely or perhaps you will end up nowhere and with no one again because you don't know where you would want to be or what kind of people you would be interested in meeting you. So instead of letting life lead, you should be the leader of your life. Another part of this is that understanding yourself better will help you understand other people better in general as well. What I discovered is that better understanding people not only makes it easier to navigate through all of the shallowness, but it also welcomes the opportunity for deeper human connection, which is ultimately one of the most meaningful things we can have in life. I read somewhere that the opposite of loneliness is a meaningful connection, and I believe that. You know, not only with people but also with oneself, and eventually, I recognized the value of doing what I want to do rather than what is required of me, and I'm not talking about taking responsibility and doing the dull things that is our duty. What I'm referring to is more in line with the engineering scenario I mentioned previously. We don't even always realize it but a lot of the decisions that we make are based on some sort of norm that we're trying to follow or some sort of expectation that we're trying to live up to whether that's on a societal level or if it's just in your family rather than doing what we feel in our hearts. In other words, we are letting other people's expectations influence or even determine you know our decisions and those other people can be people we don't even know. So, never abandon "loneliness" simply because someone tells you to, and never go on a quest that you are unable to complete. It's okay if you haven't yet discovered "the love." Stephen Chbosky, one of my favourite authors, has stated in his book "The perks of being a wallflower" that "We accept the love we think we deserve," and I'm sure you deserve more:)) We all encounter loneliness from time to time, and each experience is unique. Life is an adventure where I'm just picking up lessons along the way but I'm very aware that I'm only beginning to scratch the surface and that's exciting. Loneliness is not the same as being alone. It is up to us whether we find it or not; being with someone but still feeling empty... You still have to experience and search for yourself, believe me. But I'll always be there to encourage you to keep going; everyone has their own road, and each stop will bring us a new experience... Some will remain at the halt, while others will go to the finish line. As for me, I just feel where my heart wants to beat, and I believe I know where it wants to beat; how about you? Have you already felt your heartbeat? 

The Perfect Dreamer