Things that dreamers see in a relationship

     

     Relationships are complex, and at times perplexing, because people are. We're erratic, annoying creatures who don't always know what we're doing or what we want. Nonetheless, we are expected to merge with another member of this species and work in unison. So I've discovered that in most relationships, people tend to focus on things to be aware of in the other person while there is so much to be aware of within ourselves. I mean, it's simpler to point fingers at people, the things we expect from them, the things we desire from them, and the flaws in them. Everyone wants to be recognized as a self-sufficient individual, the one who takes the initiative and chooses “what-to-do and need-to-do” in a relationship. When we are trapped in our love tales, we all seek assistance from friends, family, and even through social media, such as this article, which gives information on the difficulties we are dealing with. And the answer is invariable, "Whoever loves the most will be wounded the most," or "Love is a game in which the one who loves the most loses." As a result, no one can call themselves a reacher. Everyone wants to be the bigger, worse one, the one in command, right? 😅

     But for me, we are all hopeless romantic dreamers, and we all want to make our relationship thrive, but we deny it and claim that we look into the mirror of truth and must wake up from relentless dreams when it comes to confrontation. Being a dreamer, in my opinion, is not a bad thing; in fact, I find it extremely romantic. The dreamer acknowledges someone’s true colours and decides if their colour palette matches yours. They can easily match your energy and boost it to the next level. Everyone, in my opinion, should have a "dreamer" to help them realize their unfulfilled ambitions. And for this blog, I'll share some of my thoughts on relationships as a dreamer.

     The foundation of a relationship, the tone, the norm, the expectations, the boundaries. Those are usually set in the early stages. At least the very core of it. And if those are based on a false reality, eventually the facade, the mask will slip, and the relationship will suffer because suppressed desires and ways tending to resurface in one way or another. Perhaps in 3 months or 5 years into a relationship. People will need to be honest, accept their flaws and have the courage to show them to their partners. Relationships are multi-faceted, and what we do is have a diverse vision into many aspects of it. You might think “dreamers” are unrealistic, all they do is dreaming about a “perfect scenario”, but trust me, dreamers are amongst the ones who are honest in the beginning. 

     For a better explanation, let’s start with the foundation. So we’re animals, we see potential mates and we do what we want to attract them. You know we may not puff out our chests or lift our arms as some other species do. Instead, we try to look and behave very best, as one should. We like to see someone put in the effort. But there's a difference between putting your best foot forward that isn’t even yours. 

So, how can dreamers be honest💟? 

   

      First of all, honesty is not about spilling all your tea about your family, your drama or your bad habits, all on the first date. Dreamers tend to stay honest by not deliberately censoring, manipulating or exaggerating your true self to make yourself more desirable by pretending to be someone or something you aren’t. Because dreamers often aim for the best before embarking on a relationship or even apply for a job. And more importantly, they want those "visions'' to come true within themselves, so the element of honesty for dreamers is the most important because they always aim for the best. So to provide an example, I will speak from my personal experience, as a hopeless romantic dreamer. For example, on a date, I often dream of meeting an ideal boyfriend and catching a vibe with me. But to have a boyfriend like that, I have to be honest with myself first. From the very beginning of the date, I had to be confident in who I am, with my interests, and articulate the traits that make me who I am. If he likes it, then it's a match. If not, at least I'll know. But if I wasn't honest from the start, sooner or later the bubble would burst, this relationship wouldn't go anywhere. Don’t be like “I wake up at 6 in the morning and go for a run and then I go to do charity” if you don’t do that. Don’t tell someone you are a chocolate person when in reality you prefer vanilla, matcha...Don’t tell them that their busy schedule work is going to be a problem if it is… So as you can see, the train of honesty goes both ways, and for most couples, we tend to pretend to be something we are not because we want to be perfect. Now you can see how unrealistic we are, compared to dreamers. Because dreamers can see the potential of the relationship, and by all means be completely honest with yourself. 

       At this moment, when you are reading this, and you feel like you can’t be honest about who you are when you’re with someone. So my advice for you, to become “more dreamy” about the situation, the most simple and comprehensive way is to work on yourself, and that includes learning to accept yourself, to become someone you are proud of, to be honest about being simply you are on the wrong in the company. The fuzzy thing about honesty is of course that, while you might be fully committed to it, there’s no way for you to know if the person is. I mean some people will be dishonest, they will lie. But every dream has a nightmare, I think that’s simply a reality that we need to accept. Just don’t be one of those people, because they always lose in the end. 

    Building relationship from the ground up is never easy, but we dreamers believe that today's sacrifices will pay off tomorrow, or perhaps the next day. Our rosy-eyed optimism keeps us going, that's what it's like to live in a dream. I agree dreamers can be unrealistic, of course, and the caveat in all of this is that we can get carried away at times. We may believe that once we begin climbing the success ladder, it is a straight-to-the-top trajectory, but the truth is that there is no such thing as a completely happy ending. If you have ever watched Sex Education, where the last scene took place on a prom night when a boy is about to kill himself, asking why he can make a girl he likes to like back. And Otis, one of the main characters, said to him “ Love isn’t about grand gestures, or the moon and the stars. It’s just dumb luck. And sometimes, you meet someone who feels the same way. And then, sometimes, you’re unlucky. 

     Love can be like that at times, but it doesn't stop us from dreaming, does it? That is a common difficulty for many people; we all strive to set standards in love, he must be this, she must be that. But isn't that what love is all about? When someone is willing to be with you, willing to lie with you in your dreams, to comfort and protect you from your nightmares, that is when you have found love. My friend was in a relationship that lasted a year and a half, and I didn't find a single happy day during the three months of school. From the outside, you'll undoubtedly notice that her boyfriend is problematic and that the female friend is trapped in a toxic relationship. But after speaking with her, I realized part of the reason. For example, in my friend's case, she does not generally go out much, but if her partner enjoyed going out more than she does, she quickly adored going out, and she began to make it a routine for him. But, in the end, she can't pretend or strive to be someone she's not because the love bubble will eventually burst. Sometimes, we pretend to be okay with something a person says or does because we're hoping or expecting that specific attributes or theirs will change. And sometimes it can. I think it's a common problem that we often have, as dreamers, we see the potential of the relationship but we don't fully commit to the potential. My friend's boyfriend, for example, did not want to marry her, so she became enraged and they frequently argued. So I can see why she does those things or has such expressions. Having too many expectations in a relationship and forcing your partner to meet them is tiring, because your goal may be different. In my opinion, before forcing it into a relationship that you think will be good for both of you, we should look at what it takes to make a healthy connection. But she has to understand that’s not how love works. Acknowledges someone's true colours and decides if their colour palette matches with yours, and it doesn't, be honest, even if it sucks because it might go against what you had hoped. So basically, we need to not look for a project to turn into a suitable partner. That doesn't mean both should look for someone who is perfect and that perfectly aligns with you and your life from the very start, because that's not what reality looks like, that's just a dream that no one refuses to wake up to. But the person you are today should align with the person you are today. You don't align with who they could be or you could be.

     Like everyone else, I would urge her to end the relationship, saying things like "you should break up with him, it's not worth it." But, as a romantic who believes in love, I would advise her to keep going because, right now, she is the one who misjudges the situation and puts herself under pressure. We should not have too many expectations in any relationship because everyone's destination is different. There will be some aspects that could be improved. There will always be things that irritate you. There will always be various "dreams." And that's fine since we're not the same. And I believe the current council for her is to simply love, to give everything you have. So that when things don't work out, but when you look back, you won't regret it, because it's not you who is wrong here.

     One of the best aspects of being in a relationship for dreamers to see is that we can take ourselves on a life-long adventure. We are always looking for the next big adventure, whether it's a white-water rafting trip or a cross-country move to a city where we won't be missed. We are always looking for the next big adventure, whether white-water rafting. We see that, in every relationship, we should be each other’s most ardent supporters and loudest cheerleaders because we, together, can understand the simple joy of shaping our dreams and the thrill of seeing them come true. But all of that is just rambling, but I think, as dreamers, we're too optimistic. Our worldview, like the text you're reading, is covered in pink. Even I have never had a love affair that lasted more than three months :)) Because we dream and think a lot, we can become overly engrossed in our fantasies. I also want to be more realistic at times, to be able to distinguish between my emotions and my logic. But, after all, we all have to dream, aren't we 😴?

   But every dream has an end, all dreams end soon after waking up in the morning. We can't even remember what the dream was, or why we woke up. It's a new dreamer's way of seeing love because we think endings are an inevitable part of life, just like good dreams, or nightmares. I mean that's what relationships are all about, there will be ups, there will be downs, there will be high and there will be low. And that brings me to the last point, endings are not failures. You know sometimes, things just end. It's part of life. Not all things are forever. Does that mean we failed, you failed, they failed, the relationship failed? Each to their own? But that's not how I see it. Sometimes life gives us opportunities to learn and grow. And even to create memories and stories, we should do the best we can to learn to embrace it, even when it comes in a way that we didn't expect or hoped. And on that note, let’s end this blog with a quote that I like, it is by Emery Allen and it goes like this: “Not everything is supposed to become something beautiful and long-lasting. Sometimes people come into your life to show you what is right, and what is wrong, to show you who you can be, to teach you how to love yourself, to make you feel better for a little while, or just to be someone to walk it at night and spill your life to. Not everyone is going to stay forever, and we still have to keep on going and thank them for what they’ve given us”.

There will be some aspects that could be improved. There will always be things that irritate you. There will always be various "dreams." And that's fine since we're not the same. And perhaps we should take a big breath, lie down, and dream...

The Perfect Dreamers